The results are in

"Look, do you want CPR or not?"

This week, dear reader, we abandon the usual format in favor of a more scientific approach. To invite your participation, we will be having our own vote on the captions in question. If you haven't read the New Yorker back cover recently, this is your perfect opportunity to falsify, or more likely not, what we all know in our hearts to be true: that Alissa and I are the unicorn's horn, if you will, of this captioning universe.

So here are seven captions, randomly ordered, for your judging pleasure. Three belong to Stephen Domesick (sweet name dude), Edward Wierenga, and Sean Farrell, respectively.

mythologicallymanic.blogspot.com

"Can I get a horn-compatible headset for the new temp?"