This time they've gone too far...

Eleven o'clock on Sunday night is fast becoming a sacred time of the week. It used to be that time when I realized I had way too much work left to do before the next morning. Now it's that time when I realize I have even more work to do before the next morning, because I've been coming up with New Yorker captions for the last several hours. After all, the captions for each week are due at 11 PM CDT (soon to switch to CST....WHY??), and being the procrastinator that I am, no matter how much I've thought about it all week, the creative ideas pour forth in those final hours. I've also been fascinated recently at how my ideas come to fruition, and not surprisingly, in accordance with this Slate series, a mere conversation with a creative partner-in-crime is indispensable. Most of our submissions, at this point, are collaborations, so when you see one of us on that back cover, don't forget the other.

But 11 o'clock is special not just because it's when we submit our final captions, but because the previous week's editors' choices are finally revealed. The anticipation is palpable, the feeling that this week is finally the one....

Or in this case, the week when they've finally lost it. They've gone too far. Rather than coming to their senses, the editors sunk to a new low, choosing one mediocre and one abysmal caption to fill out their pick of three. Some prominent commentators are more than a little bit suspicious (recent text from Brett Brown: "I suspect foul play"). Indeed. Nothing else could explain these:

"It's raining cat-dogs out there."

"Horsey, I'm home."

I'll start with the second. Alissa may approve of it, but let's be honest, it doesn't match the mood or character of the cartoon. Why is he cheerfully greeting her when both parties are clearly unhappy? Why is he informing her of his presence when she's staring right at him and has clearly been expecting him? Who does he think he is??

Here are our other captions, which they nefariously rejected:

"He said there was no room for me in this one-horse town."

or

"He said there was no room for me in this half-horse town."

I couldn't really decide which one was better. But they're both on the right track. Speaking of tracks:

"Another rough day at the tracks."

And these idea came from Brett, with our slight modifications:

"Abducting village maidens? Not in this weather."

"She said Billy was agressive and didn't get along with his classmates."

I was so angry before I forgot to explain why the cat-dogs one isn't as good as ours. But do I really need to anymore?

Enjoy your moments of glory Mary Lynch (cat-dogs) and Joel Bernstein ("horsey"), but the last laugh shall be ours, given that you clearly have no sense of humor.