Conceitedly Captioned FAQ

What with this blog reaching residents of every continent and three of Jupiter's moons (breaking several Brazilian laws and international treaties to reach this guy), we get a lot of questions. The mountain of fan mail is overwhelming. And with only two writers--doing the work of ten, mind you--we could never hope, let alone desire, to answer any of them. But I did take the necessary time out of my schedule to make my personal assistant take the time to sort through our mail and compile a list of answers to the most popular inquiries.